I’ve been having some difficultly coming up with thought provoking blog entries, but I want to make sure that I stay on track and keep up the momentum I’ve developed. Just look at those endless comment strings on the bottom of my posts - I am really engaging my readers, they just can’t get enough! So I decided to leverage a popular structure for organizing random facts and opinions: a “top 6” list, which I’ll split into two “top 3” lists.
Here it is:
On my shit list:
1. People who use the word “leverage.” To be more precise, people who use that word and don’t have a sour taste in their mouths afterwards, but instead mentally high-five themselves for being so articulate. These are the same people who dream of climbing the corporate ladder all the way up to Super Duper Senior Project Manager, like to think of themselves as mentors to the younger generation of equally exciting individuals, and take pride in increasing efficiencies by cutting costs. Overall, these are real winners, at home and on the job.
2. Doctors who wear their coats (and sometimes stethoscopes) to walk their dogs. These can generally be seen on the Upper East Side , where the busy life savers just can’t spare a moment to take off their capes before attending to their four-legged friend’s excrements. The stethoscope can be key, you see, to differentiating the all-mighty MD from a lowly lab technician. A true status symbol and a guaranteed chick magnet for the 18-23 and the 30+ crowds.
3. “Friends” who don’t respond to my embarrassing attempts to start a virtual conversation.
On my nice list:
1. Train conductors on the Metro North lines. After riding the train for three years, I still can’t believe that ALL of them say “thank you” to each and every passenger for showing them the ticket. I am not sure what it is that makes these men and women so polite (as an avid googler, I’ve tried to find out), but I certainly appreciate it. What a contrast to their subway colleagues (granted, those professionals work underground in rat infested subways); I guess at the end of the day, the price of the “thank you” is just about $7 – the difference between the subway and Metro North fare.
2. John, a sixteen-year-old cashier at my favorite Mexican joint, who gave me free guacamole after unintentionally mixing up my “no dairy” and “yes dairy” burritos. Aaaah – America , the land of the discriminating (and frequently equally uncouth) consumer. Thank you, John…and by the way, the “no dairy” burrito was not for me; I, myself, prefer it loaded with sour cream and cheese.
3. You guessed it - friends, who respond to my blog… and don’t let their friends drive drunk, of course.
6 comments:
It really is amazing to see the difference between the MTA's employees at work and other train workers. For one thing, that going on three days without a shower deer in the headlights look that most of the NYC subway operators share is actually preferable to incredible politeness of their token or now metro card vending counterparts. Having moved to NJ, I actually miss these guys telling me “man, there’s a f’n map over there, why you askin’ me?” Ahh, yes. Customer service. Although, if you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish… I guess Tyrone and Linda (if you can think of a name that better conjures up an image of a 250lb bleached blonde with pink lipstic, nails to match and the yellowest teeth this side of the Atlantic, please use that instead of Linda) are just looking out for our long-term well-being.
I want to be on the second list, so I'll comment though I don't have anything clever to say. Regarding doctors who wear their doctor garb while walking their dogs: isn't it a bit discriminatory to expect them to change into something less professional if we wouldn't blink at, say, a yoga teacher walking the dog in sweats or a Wall Street type in a business suit? I may be able to offer a less calculated reason than chick-magneting for retaining the coat: deep pockets for house keys, phone, and most importantly, poop sacks.
The stethoscope is absolutely ridiculous, though.
Colleen, the notion that a doctor may be examining me in a robe, the pockets of which have just been used to carry excrement, does not appeal to me. I'd rather they walk around like that to get women.
No no no, Thrawn. Have no fear. Dog walkers do not put full poop sacks in their pockets, no matter how cold it is, even if they do not have gloves. Just ones waiting to be used, should the occasion arise.
Hahaha. Nice call out on people who use the word "leverage" to sound intelligent/articulate.
I am actually pretty certain that the doctors just do it for the women, or for some other less than practical reasons. I am tempted to make that conclusion as I've rarely seen other coat draped professionals do the same.
Regarding "leverage," I've got more where that came from. For instance, "other alternatives." Or, my personal favorite, a note from a manager that I actually saved: "Please join Jim and I in room in the conference room when you are back!" There is no better way to showcase your intelligence than to misuse "I."
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