Have you heard? I am back in school! Again. I wish I could demonstrate my enthusiasm and trepidation by wearing a starched white collar (not a cheap store-bought one, but a nice mother-made lace collar) and bringing a bouquet of flowers for my teacher, but alas, the tradition lives on in my motherland only. I am giving grad school another lame shot by going back to Baruch, my beloved alma mater, and getting a bang for my buck in the form of two extra letters after my name upon completing the humble curriculum. My consistent attitude about school is accurately captured by the photo, taken September 1, 1988. Cynicism aside, it feels comforting to be back in that enormous building, knowing which bathroom is likely to be clean and which elevator comes fastest, among other trivial things. I will even admit that hearing my Russian-Brooklynese compatriots butcher both languages as they boldly replace “t”s and “d”s with “ts”s and “ds”s (Dsidsn’t you tsake that professah? I tsawled you he’s a dsick) as they light up their cigarettes outside sounded reassuring. The world, or at least Baruch, it seems, hadn’t changed all that much.
While riding the escalator, I overheard a discussion between two ambitious undergraduates. “You know,” said one, “I just changed my major. I decided I wasn’t going to do Finance, it’s not for me in the long run. I will major in International Marketing. I think that will help my career more.” “Oh yeah?” responded her friend, “That’s great. My sister majored in International Business. How is International Marketing different?” “Well, it’s pretty much the same… but different.” Chances are, the girl will never do marketing; an accounts payable position in a medical office has her name written all over it; but this, this was marketing at work! Like me, it seems, the student was sold on the name alone - the major was going to be exciting, applicable, and require only basic quantitative skills. Ahhh, the sea of suckers. It’s good to be back.
P.S. In Statistics, I learned that the upside of using the mode as a way of describing the center of a population is being able to apply it to categorical data. I can apply what I learned immediately to describing Baruch’s student body. The range is from clinical cretin to highly intelligent and the mode is a moron. Despite what my test scores may suggest, I pretend to be an outlier… just not sure which side I lie on.
2 comments:
Hey, check out this russian comedy club link relevant to September 1st issue (Sorry, this excludes your non-russian speaking fans)
http://rutube.ru/tracks/973420.html?v=01420fbc2c8afcb6b2b091e4e65c82da
I've heard of Baruck; isn't it the school with most perverse student body in the country? (Ha! I wrote perverse instead of diverse!!! ...cause they rhyme, and one is a positive adjective and the other is an offensive one. But, I wouldn't necessarily say perversion implies sickness or otherness. Simply, in current society there is no way to positively apply a perversion, at least not in most cases. Of course, psychologists also differ on their analysis of the benefits of perversion; for instance if it's a reaction, or, if you will, coping mechanism, then wouldn't it naturally be beneficial(i.e. protecting an individual from the negative root)?) Anywise, wonderful piece; good luck at baruck.
Go Micturating Lions!
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