The generous 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave (generously guaranteed by our government) approach the end, and I find myself absolutely terrified by the question of whether or not to go back to work. It is not at all a philosophical debate a la “to be or not to be” that goes on in my mind, rather, it is a paralyzing fear that penetrates every fiber of my body and leaves me with a deafening ringing in my ears. The answer is crystal clear and appears in the form of the most moving, toothless smile. As she falls asleep on my chest, I am ashamed of stressing out over things I am lucky to call peripheral.
I am doing a number of things I never thought I would. I am letting Maddie sleep in our bed (something I swore I would never do and even looked down on people who admitted this practice); I've gone to a new mommy group a number of times... I am grateful that euphoria and not postpartum depression came prepackaged with my baby.
Today, the coffee shop owner in the village waved “hello” to us as we passed his store. This is great on many levels; for starters, you know how I love when local business owners know me; on top of that, this should be clear proof to my “fresh air” obsessed mother that we are out and about almost daily; also, Maddie rides in an awesome red stroller (merci, tantines!) decked out in cashmere (thank you, auntie!), so she is a memorable “baby deluxe,” especially since the lady pushing her stroller looks like a recent eastern European immigrant high school student.
2 comments:
Hey Polina!
Don't worry so much about work! The most important is to do what you feel for the moment. Don't do what you are supposed to do or what others want you to do, do what you want to do!
Make the most of your life now and after, you will see... Don't worry, be happy!
You don't look like an eastern European immigrant high school student, Polina:-) You look like a perfect Mommy!!
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