Me, Myself, and I

As an avid reader of bullshit articles on the internet, you know… those promising to reveal something life-changing through a human interest story, I find myself unable to get past the atrocious grammar and properly contemplate how to be a better communicator, cut unnecessary expenses, look and feel my best, etc. Take the first paragraph from a heart-warming article titled The Marriage Secret Nobody Tells You by Lyz Lenz: When one of my friends got engaged, he was over the moon. At dinner one night, he told my husband and I how much he was in love. Really? He told “I,” Lyz? You fucking genius. What is it with people thinking that using “I” in place of “me” makes them sound smarter? More importantly, what is it with people who don’t know when to use “I” getting paid for writing? It strikes me that, in the recent years, we have excelled at rewarding incompetence and redefining success.

I was so taken by Lyz’s idiocy that I clicked through to the full text article only to read: “I am forever indebted to a couple who told my husband and I a story about their epic battle over putting together a bookshelf.” Learn some elementary grammar, Lyz, before you come up with cutesy ways to spell your name.

Some other favorites include commonplace emails that ask to contact “So-and-so or myself if you have any questions." I do have a question for yourself, moron.

I am sure this and all my preceding entries are sprinkled with grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. I am, however, writing pro bono. And, as we know, you get what you pay for (yes, that is a preposition on the end).

P.S. The most recent bumper sticker: Smile, your mom chose life. I don’t even know where to start.